What Can Be Done To Get Someone To Pay When They Owe You Money
How to Ask Someone to Pay You Back (Without Making It Awkward), According to Etiquette and Coin Experts
If you lot've ever lent a friend money and so faced the challenge of asking for it dorsum some time later, you know how awkward that interaction can exist. While digital apps like Venmo and Cash App have made information technology easier to pay someone back in the moment, in that location's still the emotional thing of sending the request — because in reality, money can exist a hard conversation to have with anyone, let lone friends.
"Money has been a taboo topic for a long time in our order and I retrieve we are simply now starting to talk a fiddling more about it," consumer and money-saving expert Andrea Woroch tells Flat Therapy. And as she notes, that stigma can take an upshot on friendships. "Because we don't talk openly virtually money — how much nosotros make, debt, expenses, et cetera — annihilation associated with it feels awkward, even if information technology's request someone who knows they owe you coin to pay y'all dorsum," Woroch says.
Personally, I try to approach lending in my friendships in an organic, requite-and-take kind of way — if I pay for ane circular of drinks, my friend tin can go the next, and and so on. Other people ascribe to a belief that you shouldn't loan money you aren't ready to recall of every bit a gift. Merely in certain situations, you demand your money back. What to practise if and when that happens? Hither's how to inquire for someone to pay you lot dorsum, according to etiquette and money experts.
Be direct.
Aye, information technology tin can be difficult to talk about money, merely it'due south of import to push past the awkwardness if you can. Co-ordinate to etiquette expert Diane Gottsman, beating around the bush will probable but brand things weirder. "Being direct is the best way to get a straight answer," she says, calculation that if you lot can, have the conversation in-person rather than over text, electronic mail, or phone call. "Contiguous is always better because information technology's more hard to avoid someone that is looking you lot straight in the eyes," Gottsman explains.
Julie Blais Comeau, the Chief Etiquette Officeholder at Etiquette Julie, agrees. Information technology might seem easier to hide behind the condolement of a screen when asking for your money dorsum, but she stressed that, "Coin matters are not texting matters. There may exist misinterpretations, especially in the tone," she says.
Structure it as a argument and a question.
Sure, beingness straight matters — only how you phrase your request while request for your money back is still important. While asking, y'all should make sure the person y'all are talking to understands why you are asking for your money back, likewise as what kind of timeline y'all're expecting for their repayment to you lot.
Psychologist, educator, and author Alex J. Packer, Ph.D., suggests structuring the conversation by setting the context of why you are asking for your coin dorsum. He notes that a phrase similar, "I would capeesh it if you could repay the loan I gave you. I am brusque of funds and need to ask you to pay me back," is to-the-point and often effective. Later on, he suggests that you perform the "enquire" with questions that set a definitive timeline. "When do you lot think you can pay me back?" "Can you pay me back now?" and "If you can't pay the full amount, can we come with a payment plan?" are all good ways to approach the thought of when.
Exist understanding, without taking things personally.
While request for your coin dorsum, you should be considerate of your friend's potential financial situation, whether or not yous know about it directly. Gottsman underlines the importance of being aware of income differences and priorities when information technology comes to spending. "Most people take a variety of incomes and existence respectful of each other's circumstances is the key," she says.
Of grade, this advice goes beyond a specific example in which one friend owes another money. "The key to successful friendships between people with different incomes is empathy," Packer says. Coin does not need to exist a trouble amidst friends if you tin respect each other'south boundaries and priorities.
It's also important to non assign personal meanings to something as impersonal as coin. Lauren Greutman, a frugal living adept and the writer of "Recovering Spender," suggests that you isolate yourself and your human relationship while asking for your money dorsum. "I would endeavor to have the emotions out of it completely," she says. (While etiquette experts advocate for in-person conversations, she suggests writing a letter or electronic mail.) "You tin can get into your own financial situation if you wish, just I don't believe that you necessarily owe it to that person," Greutman adds.
If y'all aren't seeing your friend in the most future and you're on a tight deadline for that coin, Woroch suggests approaching the ask casually and not putting likewise much meaning into it.
"Send a text as a friendly reminder forth with your account name for Venmo, PayPal or Zelle. I like adding personal messages such every bit, 'Had a great fourth dimension terminal night' with an emoji and and so a gentle reminder to pay you lot back Ten amount," Woroch says. "It's important to remember, people sometimes simply forget to pay yous back and then you shouldn't feel bad asking for your coin back. Many people appreciate the reminders!"
Keep track of who paid last time.
With friends you come across oft, and whose financial situations are like to yours, information technology may merely be easier to keep a mental note of who got the beak concluding and get from there. If you lot paid for dinner, there will be a fourth dimension where they will pay in return. "Depending on how often you and a friend or group get together and split bills, you can take turns paying the neb," Woroch says. "For instance, if you lot see for lunch one time a month, accept turns covering the neb — rotate who pays. Just know that sometimes information technology may exist more or less expensive so it may not completely even out."
Permit it go.
A mutual rule of thumb well-nigh money and etiquette experts swear past is to not lend money you cannot afford to lose. If the person you lended coin to is not in the position to pay you back, it can often be helpful to the health of your human relationship to allow it get. "My full general recommendation for lending money is to never lend any amount of money that y'all can never do without," Blais Comeau says. "When you hold to lend money, mentally make that corporeality a gift. Put a nice bow on it and forget about information technology."
Packer agrees, and notes that if yous are financially able to do so, it tin exist healthy for the friendship to tell your friend y'all've had a change of mind. "Tell your friend that yous recognize that times are tough, that you take been blest with a degree of financial comfort, and that you would like to share that blessing with them," he says. "Verbalize the value to you lot of her friendship, and how it would be a gift to you to help them out by forgiving the loan."
Source: https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/how-to-ask-someone-to-pay-you-back-36996741
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